When life’s getting nowhere

June 4, 2010 at 3:25 pm (Uncategorized) (, , )

Life has been a roller coaster ride so far. Met different kind of people since I started working. Life has really taught me a great lesson, especially when I met those ridiculous person who were so full of themselves.

I feel the older I get, the lonelier I am. Everyone started from the same point, growing through experiencing stuffs. Whatever decision made at a turning point might affect one’s future greatly. Being in the position where I always torn being options, not knowing which path could lead me to what kind of future…fuh…I thought I encountered that countless of times.

When I was doing my application to enroll in local uni, I thought life was just about making choices, following what my heart tells me to do. I guess I wasn’t matured enough and I saw the world as a safe place. Silly as I was, I was yet to know the world and the people living on it.

I started to know true faces of people when I studied in uni. In uni, I met different kind of people. I thought I had enough, but they were just a small group of different people that I came across when I was a student. Stepping into working life, I met alot more different kind of people. People who like to boss some other people around, people who would do whatever it takes to achieve something, people who said stuff with hidden meaning, people who don’t give a damn about you, people who talk cock about how much they earn, people who comment about whatever you do, people with two faces, people who treat you sincerely. There are a lot more to learn. Sometimes, when dealing with these people, it made me feel tired, wondering why am I doing what I am doing.

When I was a student, I wanted to work so much. I thought of earning, spending my own money, and be happy. When I started to work, I wanted to be a student pulak. I think this is what people called ‘fan jin’. Almost 1 year into working life, I am already so exhausted. Exhausted for having to see the people I don’t wanna deal with, exhausted for having to bear greater responsibilities, exhausted for having to suffer my unhappy feeling and don’t know who could I turn to, exhausted for I couldn’t find a person who can understand me, exhausted for all the emotion uproar, exhausted for having to anticipate how my future gonna look like. Sometimes being in my status quo, doing what I am supposed or expected to do just isn’t enough. Why couldn’t life be perfect? Because we are not perfect, the earth itself isn’t perfect.

Sometimes I wonder why does God create human? Why did He create us with unexpected brain capacity? It makes human so unlimited, but at the same time so limited. We can achieve great things in life with some extraordinary ideas, like stepping on the surface of the moon. Yet, we can be so limited, not be able to decide most of the things that we came across, like choosing who we like to deal with, choosing when we are going to die.

Even your best friend, a selfish person, can be selfish to you, treat you like treating any other people. Having people to appreciate yourself, your existence, what you do, I think you can’t hope too much. I think I’ll be happier hoping nothing in return when I give to others. I think I’ll be even happier when I develop no feeling towards things, people and stuff.

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Vanity

May 18, 2010 at 2:14 pm (Uncategorized) (, )

Vanity, is excessive pride in one’s appearance and accomplishments. It is ego, in another word.

Why do people have so much pride? Just because of some achievement at work? Just because one got married and have a happy family and thought he/she is a very successful person? Why do people with so much ego do not know how to give at least some basic human respect to a human? Giving respect to a human being is one type of social responsibilities, too.

Everyone starts from zero. Everyone starts from nothing. Everyone basically goes thru the same process. So, why is there a need to feel that yourself are far more superior compared to others? You will end up f*cking your own life with your self-conceit.

Arrogance is nothing but a full scheme of stupidity.

To all the ego homo sapiens out there, you have done a great job in f*ucking your own life 😀

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The arrogant one

June 8, 2009 at 12:40 pm (Uncategorized) (, )

All proton perdana drivers are arrogant, stuck up drivers. Okay, this might a little bit too subjective. But, so far, the proton perdana drivers I met were arrogant, stuck up drivers. Sounds better eh. Wth. Why are they so proud of themselves? Okay, proton perdana is one of the more expensive local cars and those who could afford it have deep pocket, somewhat. But this don’t give them a reason to be so snobbish, well, maybe the people around them give them the green light to do so. Still, I totally disagree this low-mannered of theirs.

In my journey of life, I met some arrogant people too. I could categorised arrogant people into 2 types.

Type 1: rich arrogant and Type 2: mental arrogant.

Type 1: Not all rich people are arrogant but rich arrogant people are rich people. Why are they being so arrogant? Because they are FREAKING RICH! That’s why.

Type 2: Mental arrogant. Why do I call them mental arrogant? Because it’s related to their state of mind. They think they are freaking better than others, far more superior, far more perfetto than others. Some think they are born pretty and handsome, so they take the advantage of it. Some think they are born smart and clever, so they take advantage of it. Some think they are better in some skills, so they are proud, insulting others in every little single way just to prove they are better. Some can’t accept what the people around them do, so they insult others in every little single way just to prove they are right. Now you know why I categorised them as mental arrogant? Coz they are so mentally-obsessed with what they acquire and their innate ability. Those are God’s gift, don’t brag about it or despise others because of it. God can give you those things, He could take it back anytime too.

Be humble and let others enjoy what they have. Thank you reading and my deepest apology for hurting whom it may concern.

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Being judged

April 12, 2009 at 7:44 am (Uncategorized) (, , )

During these 4 years in uni, there were so many times which I was being judged by others and so many times which I used to judge people.

I was always claimed by others, especially by my so-called “close friends” among my coursemates as a “cold-blooded” and selfish person. Their definition of “cold-blooded” and selfish are not feeling sympathetic when some other coursemates overspent their loan and almost not having enough to eat, when I release non-chalant air over others’ personal affairs/businesses/problems, and when I don’t give a damn after someone always/try soooooooo hard to seek for my advise but not willing to accept it and keep bothering me with their problems. My close friends wouldn’t think me as this way/as the way my coursemates had claimed me to be. I always think that minding my own business is more than enough. I always mind my own business so that others won’t take me as a busybody person. I couldn’t believe that leading my life this way would give others the idea that I’m a “cold-blooded” person.

I always say “Whatever” or “As long as you are happy” when I don’t really wanna care about others’ businesses/affairs. The mouths are theirs, they could talk whatever they want. The brains are theirs, they could think what they want. The bodies are theirs, they could do what they want. The life are theirs, they could decide to do what they want. Who am I to care so much/stop someone from doing what please them greatly? I couldn’t believe that saying “Whatever” and “As long as you are happy” would lead others to think that I’m nothing but a very very rude girl. I think it’s perfectly fine to say these.

Some claimed that I don’t give a person a second chance when he/she did something wrong. I always give someone a second chance provided that he/she really repents. Why should I waste time/waste my energy to even believe that a person would change when he/she never even once think himself/herself did wrongly in the first place??

Some also claimed that I’m a calculative person. Yeah, I count every 5 cents, every 1 buck you owe me. Am I really that kind of person? Please think again since when I did that. Being one of the many people who has car among my coursemates, I’m sometimes the driver when a group of friends go out. Have I ever demanded my petrol money from you? Have I ever demanded you to pay the parking ticket? Have you ever shown any of your sky-high appreciation to the lowly efforts of the drivers(not only me, also those who always drive)? People always take those who drive for granted, as if those who have cars memang have to drive and this is their destiny. Whatever, think what you guys like.

Here, I would like to thank all my friends who have helped me when my car got stolen last year. Thanks to Tian Yuh who called me and consoled me on the phone for almost 2 hours (I wonder how much she had to pay for the phone bills), Meng Her who somehow helped me to curse the thief, Yu Li who consoled me on MSN. Also many thanks to Ing Hua, Sheng wa, Keng Sern, Stacey, Hui San, Tee Hui and Kit How whom gave me a ride to fac and home. I really appreciate their help. I’m not that kind of person who forgets those have ever lend me a pair of helping hands when I’m in need. I didn’t have any intentions to neglect my friends who had helped me but somehow got drifted away by some unimportant matters/stuffs when I got my car. My fault for giving some people that kind of thoughts. Literally said, what used to seem important to me aren’t that important to me at all, at this stage of life.

I guess I evolved again. This time, a clean-cut evolution. Yeah, I’m still being denial once in a while, a good way to console myself when I encounter some unexpected and unwanted obstacles. But I’m not gonna let those unimportant and unreal opinions/stuffs to bug me anymore. It’s time to take a big pace and leave my old life behind again 🙂

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Use the best of it

April 5, 2009 at 9:14 am (Uncategorized) (, )

Recently, I kinda dislike it when I heard people complaining about their life and people who couldn’t make up their mind.

Complaining…

Why do people wanna complain about their life? Why can’t they just accept that these are their life? Why can’t they just live with it? We bear consequences for every move or decision we make in life. What we are experiencing today or even at this moment are the consequences of the decisions we made some time ago, be it just yesterday or a few years back. You reap what you sow. Since we have already decided to lead our life this way, I don’t understand why some people still wanna complain over the decisions they made in the past. Lemme put it this way; they indirectly feel remorseful over their decisions in the past. Complaining your life is equivalent to you standing in front of a mirror, scolding how stupid you are. Why wanna waste time doing something you can’t change? For an instance, I took an elective course, it might be very tough but since I’ve chosen to take the course, I studied and worked hard so that I could score. I don’t complain, how come this course is so difficult to score or why can’t the lecturer find a better way to make me understand what I’m studying.

Another example, “I didn’t choose to be borne”. BULL CRAP! This worst complain I’ve heard from someone I know. Stop being so self-centered and apologize to your parents. One would only say this when they are doing something they don’t wanna do. After all, you chose the path you are walking right now. Why blame on your parents. We are responsible for the stuffs/things related to us. Don’t put the blame on others; this is super irresponsible and sometimes mortifying.

Plan your stuffs well so that you won’t complain in the future. It would be better if you could reserve a small part of everything when you plan for those ‘in case’ or ‘what if’ moments. Complaining won’t make the situations get better or the people around you to change/do something to make you happy. You yourself have to find ways to overcome all the obstacles and hassles on your own. You are responsible for your own life, not your dad or your mom or your siblings or your friends. Think again!

Making up your mind…

I must admit that I detest people who couldn’t make up their mind. Sometimes, if not most of the time, when you couldn’t make up your mind, you affect the people around you. For an instance, when you went out with friends, and your friend asked whether you wanna have McD, you hesitated but finally declined. So your friends moved on with the plan but then you changed your mind out of a sudden and wanna have McD. What the heck is this? Once you’ve decided, you put a full stop to the whole thing, end of story. Don’t change your mind just a few seconds after your earlier decision. Sometimes, I kinda sympathize those who don’t know what they want or couldn’t make up their mind.

Yes, to me, it’s very pitiful when someone doesn’t know what she/he wants. If you don’t know, don’t let yourself stay in the darkness anymore. Jump out of your comfort zones and find out. Some people just couldn’t be bothered or worst of all, don’t care about anything at all. It’s perfectly fine to live your life this way but please don’t affect the people around you. It’s not fair to involve others into your whirlpool of hesitations. Do you think people would know what gravity is if Sir Isaac Newton didn’t find the reason why an apple fall downward onto the ground instead of upward into sky? Fortunately, he decided to find out and gave us the theory of gravity. Be like him and become a successful person.

We should really look at ourselves and reflect on what we have been doing all these while. Don’t waste your life anymore. Use the best of it and do something great, at least for yourself ! 🙂

“When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.”

Twilight

by Stephanie Meyer

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