When life’s getting nowhere

June 4, 2010 at 3:25 pm (Uncategorized) (, , )

Life has been a roller coaster ride so far. Met different kind of people since I started working. Life has really taught me a great lesson, especially when I met those ridiculous person who were so full of themselves.

I feel the older I get, the lonelier I am. Everyone started from the same point, growing through experiencing stuffs. Whatever decision made at a turning point might affect one’s future greatly. Being in the position where I always torn being options, not knowing which path could lead me to what kind of future…fuh…I thought I encountered that countless of times.

When I was doing my application to enroll in local uni, I thought life was just about making choices, following what my heart tells me to do. I guess I wasn’t matured enough and I saw the world as a safe place. Silly as I was, I was yet to know the world and the people living on it.

I started to know true faces of people when I studied in uni. In uni, I met different kind of people. I thought I had enough, but they were just a small group of different people that I came across when I was a student. Stepping into working life, I met alot more different kind of people. People who like to boss some other people around, people who would do whatever it takes to achieve something, people who said stuff with hidden meaning, people who don’t give a damn about you, people who talk cock about how much they earn, people who comment about whatever you do, people with two faces, people who treat you sincerely. There are a lot more to learn. Sometimes, when dealing with these people, it made me feel tired, wondering why am I doing what I am doing.

When I was a student, I wanted to work so much. I thought of earning, spending my own money, and be happy. When I started to work, I wanted to be a student pulak. I think this is what people called ‘fan jin’. Almost 1 year into working life, I am already so exhausted. Exhausted for having to see the people I don’t wanna deal with, exhausted for having to bear greater responsibilities, exhausted for having to suffer my unhappy feeling and don’t know who could I turn to, exhausted for I couldn’t find a person who can understand me, exhausted for all the emotion uproar, exhausted for having to anticipate how my future gonna look like. Sometimes being in my status quo, doing what I am supposed or expected to do just isn’t enough. Why couldn’t life be perfect? Because we are not perfect, the earth itself isn’t perfect.

Sometimes I wonder why does God create human? Why did He create us with unexpected brain capacity? It makes human so unlimited, but at the same time so limited. We can achieve great things in life with some extraordinary ideas, like stepping on the surface of the moon. Yet, we can be so limited, not be able to decide most of the things that we came across, like choosing who we like to deal with, choosing when we are going to die.

Even your best friend, a selfish person, can be selfish to you, treat you like treating any other people. Having people to appreciate yourself, your existence, what you do, I think you can’t hope too much. I think I’ll be happier hoping nothing in return when I give to others. I think I’ll be even happier when I develop no feeling towards things, people and stuff.

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