Being judged

April 12, 2009 at 7:44 am (Uncategorized) (, , )

During these 4 years in uni, there were so many times which I was being judged by others and so many times which I used to judge people.

I was always claimed by others, especially by my so-called “close friends” among my coursemates as a “cold-blooded” and selfish person. Their definition of “cold-blooded” and selfish are not feeling sympathetic when some other coursemates overspent their loan and almost not having enough to eat, when I release non-chalant air over others’ personal affairs/businesses/problems, and when I don’t give a damn after someone always/try soooooooo hard to seek for my advise but not willing to accept it and keep bothering me with their problems. My close friends wouldn’t think me as this way/as the way my coursemates had claimed me to be. I always think that minding my own business is more than enough. I always mind my own business so that others won’t take me as a busybody person. I couldn’t believe that leading my life this way would give others the idea that I’m a “cold-blooded” person.

I always say “Whatever” or “As long as you are happy” when I don’t really wanna care about others’ businesses/affairs. The mouths are theirs, they could talk whatever they want. The brains are theirs, they could think what they want. The bodies are theirs, they could do what they want. The life are theirs, they could decide to do what they want. Who am I to care so much/stop someone from doing what please them greatly? I couldn’t believe that saying “Whatever” and “As long as you are happy” would lead others to think that I’m nothing but a very very rude girl. I think it’s perfectly fine to say these.

Some claimed that I don’t give a person a second chance when he/she did something wrong. I always give someone a second chance provided that he/she really repents. Why should I waste time/waste my energy to even believe that a person would change when he/she never even once think himself/herself did wrongly in the first place??

Some also claimed that I’m a calculative person. Yeah, I count every 5 cents, every 1 buck you owe me. Am I really that kind of person? Please think again since when I did that. Being one of the many people who has car among my coursemates, I’m sometimes the driver when a group of friends go out. Have I ever demanded my petrol money from you? Have I ever demanded you to pay the parking ticket? Have you ever shown any of your sky-high appreciation to the lowly efforts of the drivers(not only me, also those who always drive)? People always take those who drive for granted, as if those who have cars memang have to drive and this is their destiny. Whatever, think what you guys like.

Here, I would like to thank all my friends who have helped me when my car got stolen last year. Thanks to Tian Yuh who called me and consoled me on the phone for almost 2 hours (I wonder how much she had to pay for the phone bills), Meng Her who somehow helped me to curse the thief, Yu Li who consoled me on MSN. Also many thanks to Ing Hua, Sheng wa, Keng Sern, Stacey, Hui San, Tee Hui and Kit How whom gave me a ride to fac and home. I really appreciate their help. I’m not that kind of person who forgets those have ever lend me a pair of helping hands when I’m in need. I didn’t have any intentions to neglect my friends who had helped me but somehow got drifted away by some unimportant matters/stuffs when I got my car. My fault for giving some people that kind of thoughts. Literally said, what used to seem important to me aren’t that important to me at all, at this stage of life.

I guess I evolved again. This time, a clean-cut evolution. Yeah, I’m still being denial once in a while, a good way to console myself when I encounter some unexpected and unwanted obstacles. But I’m not gonna let those unimportant and unreal opinions/stuffs to bug me anymore. It’s time to take a big pace and leave my old life behind again🙂

8 Comments

  1. pattirmina said,

    nicely written. it’s normal to be judged and to judge others, everyone has the tendency to do that including myself. not everyone is perfect, thus putting people down make us feel better / superior. at least that’s what i think.🙂

    all the best in your finals sam. what others think doesn’t matter as long as you have your real friends around you who knows who and what you really are.

    • sam said,

      Thanks patt. Well, I could tell that you understand what and how I felt when I decided to write this post.

      All the best in your finals too. Wish you all the best in your future undertakings.🙂

  2. seenloh said,

    Dear Sammy,

    I understand that you are kinda a blogger now. But sometimes you squeeze measly hard to blog about your life. My humble opinion is that it is unnecessary to tell everyone who comes across your blog that you are being judged this way or that way. Because I strongly feel that you are trying to defend yourself. And this makes you are a really serious person aka the scary lady boss.

    I must say, you are one of the very independent girl that I have ever met in my life. This is rare but good. But when I read your posts most of the time, I undeniably feel that you are ‘complaining’. In fact, you don’t complain as you used to do, but you do in a different way which exists but not obviously.

    I try to make it obvious if you don’t mind.

    You don’t have to TELL everyone how good you are because everyone knows it if you are good. You don’t have to TELL everyone how ignorant you are because everyone feels it if you are ignorant. But if you TELL everyone that how good or ignorant you are, it makes people think that you want credits from those who are fortunately being helped or praised by you. Then, are you complaining for not being appreciated or thanked or notified or nominated?

    Because the response that they actually want from you is that you stay where you are and you do what you do from the bottom of your heart and naturally they fall in love with you as a very sincere friend. Sometimes, they may funnily/seriously want you to reassure their thoughts which makes them look smart or happy. I think you feel the same way, too. Then, why not just going along with them, instead of haggling over who’s wrong or who’s right? This is not a death or alive matter after all. And it never alters any percent of your well-developed personality but it makes you a happy-go-lucky person. Unless you are untouchable and a God-fearing inhabitant on earth.

    This is my longest comment. And there is some doubt about approving it. You do as well, I guess. Anyway, this is your corner of your life. I hope that I don’t interfere close to it.

    Best regards,
    Seen L

  3. sam said,

    It’s really a long comment and it took me a while to read and digest every single word so that I won’t misunderstand what you were trying to tell me.

    Firstly, thank you for saying I’m an independent girl. I take it as a compliment here.

    I didn’t write this post to defend or tell how good or how ignorant I am to those who came across my blog. Certainly not at all.

    I don’t need others to praise me or outwardly express their gratitude to me when all I did was nothing but just giving them a ride in their journey of life.

    Luke 6:41
    Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

    Hope you could digest this bible verse. Then you might more or less understand my intention of writing this post.

    I don’t really care people judging me this way or the other way BUT I hope they could understand what I’m doing and how I live my life before they start judging me or conclude that I’m “that kind” of person.

    Do not mind if I tell you something back. I THINK you have the tendency to point out how not good your friends are. Sometimes, you have that kind of mindset; you are way better than the people around you. Just MY HUMBLE OPINION. This is a free country, you are free to do whatever you want, as long as you are happy.

    When I blog, I write about my feelings and some parts of my life, who doesn’t do that anyway?

  4. seenloh said,

    I absolutely agree with the Bible verse although I am not a Christian. And I am cocksure that this meaningful lecture applies to all of us; you and me. Weeks ago, I actually blogged about this issue, but I didn’t refer it from the Bible. This is not because I am way better than others, but this is due to my personal environment on which most of my close friends are seriously great that I have to examine how imperfect I am and, of course, how imperfect my other friends are. But the difference is that I realize the importance of the improvement. Sadly, some people just choose the same old frames of reference all the time. Sorry to tell… I personally dislike ‘corny’ mindsets. I prefer exactly what I tell you always, the evolution.

    I’m glad that you almost understand what I commented previously. But still I think that you care too much on how people think about you although you seem to be ignorant. I really hope that you are able to move on without being negatively influenced by them. Cheers.

    • sam said,

      It’s good that we realize how imperfect we are and that we are willing to take the efforts to change. Not just you and me, I hope everyone will have the conscience to do so.

      Seriously, nothing could hold me back from living my life to the fullest and the way I want it to be now.

      Sometimes, if not most of the time, the people around you aren’t what you think they are. I think you are over-confidently concluding anyone around you as the image that you produce for that person in your mind. I think it’s not fair to that particular person, as if he/she has been limited or judged by your imaginations.

      ps: Seen, please don’t assume that you know everything about me. I really hate it when you behave that way.

  5. tim said,

    Wonderful range of words you have there😉

    I feel its your right to say whatever the french you want to say in your blog. Its quite an emotional blog, but as long as it brings value to your life, why not write a few more…

    My opinion is that we should not try to please everybody, and doing that is the ultimate road to a cul de sac in life.. But on the other hand, some dissatisfaction are better left unexpressed because not everybody might get what you mean.

    Readers, its our own choice to come to this page and read right? so lets not hinder the author from her freedom of speech, well a bit of that.. (at least online in Malaysia..) or curb her creative freedom in writing. Just read and don’t take things too personally.

    • sam said,

      Thanks Tim…what a supportive friend I have😀

      Btw, my range of words are not as wide as yours :p

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