heartache

October 30, 2009 at 7:33 am (Uncategorized)
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The sky was gloomy, heralding inauspicious news.

Everything seemed to be fine before I accepted the bad news. It was a peaceful day. It wasn’t a hectic morning. The pace was slow in office today. I took the liberty to go to the library this morning, read newspapers, surfed the internet on leisure. The business news couldn’t attract my attention today. My mind was thinking something else. Tears suddenly filled my eyes and blurred my vision. I quickly held it back. I told myself nothing would happen. I literally touched the wood to assure myself everything’s going to be fine. I tried my hardest to concentrate on the newspapers but still, I was very distracted by the fear that consumed my heart every single moment. I was feeling uneasy the whole time before accepting the bad news.

 Before lunch time, my sister called me. She delivered the bad news to me. I was dumbfounded for a moment. She told me that my uncle had passed away. Pain shrieked through my heart. I wanted to give my mom a called but my sister told me to give her some time. My sister was right…

 I think I needed more time compare to my mom. I needed tremendous strength to accept the news that someone in the family had passed away. I came to realize that my mom will eventually leave me someday. By just thinking how unbearable it’s going to be….I…I can’t even imagine what will happen to me. The painful memory from my dad’s funeral is creeping all over me. It’s really painful.

 Finally…it is beginning to rain now. I have no reason to hold my tears anymore.

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Life is wonderful and a beautiful mess

September 4, 2009 at 6:45 am (Uncategorized)
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Life is short, in a sense, that’s why, while we are still living, we must cherish what we have.

 I always believe no pain, no gain. Since I have started working, I have learnt not to take things for granted. I learnt not to regret with the decisions I have made. Once I decided to go my own way, I do my best so that I am good at what I do. I am not a motivator or influencer; I am just trying to be better than what people expect me to do, to be ideal in exact. I know what I want to be, and I am being true to myself.

 Sometimes in life, we ask ourselves and other people tonnes of questions. We can only find true solutions when we are true to ourselves. Nobody knows us better other than ourselves. I do agree that there are a lot of struggles in life. Struggles that come from anxieties, uncertainties, and problems that is out of our control, and etc. Sometimes, I feel tired from all these struggles and hurdles. I used to think that everyone is trying to put me in difficult situations, making my life hard. But it’s not true at all. We are frustrated and stressful when facing problems because we are not good enough. I am not saying that we need to be perfect or be 100% at what we do. If human were perfect, why is there God in this world? Always learn from mistakes, embarrassing moments and even when people betray you. Learn to be a wise man, not a whiner. I always give myself a 2nd chance, so that I can improve and not be the same person as I used to be.

 Be the kindest person towards yourself. It doesn’t matter if no one appreciates you, as long as you appreciate yourself, you don’t have to give a shit what people do to you or your efforts. I think it’s really stupid to be sad when people let you down. They don’t feel a thing, why put yourself to suffer while you are just a nobody to someone. If that person really cherishes you, he/she won’t do something to hurt you. I am still learning not to be stupid in this sense, after all, without emotions, we ain’t human. Sometimes, I express my likes and hates readily because I am being true to myself. I don’t want to regret for not expressing what I feel and what I am. The disappointment might be huge sometimes because we bear the consequences of what we do but bigger disappointment makes us move on faster. We can’t stay in our status quo for too long, life can’t be stagnant. Lake water is always dirty because it is stagnant. Being stagnant means we are accumulating all the bad and unhappy memories. Don’t be cruel to yourself, make yourself a happy person.

Be true to yourself, after all, life is wonderful and a beautiful mess :)

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Crappy post

August 21, 2009 at 6:04 am (Uncategorized)
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It’s been quite some time huh.

#1

#1

Recently my car was hit by a RapidKL bus. The driver just went off without giving a damn with what he had done. I called the LPKP to file a complain on the bus driver. They told me to make a police report so that they could proceed with my complain. Curiously, I asked whether I would get any compensation if I follow their advices. They told me, at most, the driver will get a summon and compensation for the damage I suffered would be very unlikely to happen. No wonder the driver drove off without giving a shit. I seriously and sternly advise RapidKL or whosoever involved in handling these cases to revise their standard operating procedure. I believe there are a lot of victims like me out there, who voiced out but are ignored.

Third week into working life now….Everything is going well. I am perfectly fine. My bosses kinda have high expectation on me and I am trying very hard to perform well. I know, there’s only one chance and I can’t afford to screw up.

Life is normal. Other than working, I really can’t control how stuffs are to happen.  Sigh, stupid emotions and feelings, and the brain is kinda useless in taking charge of the thinking…Arghh…moodiness is killing me!

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WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

July 21, 2009 at 7:11 am (Uncategorized)
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I mentioned previously that I was doing research for a company, immediately upon my graduation. During this period, I received a few offers from other companies but I either rejected/delayed their offers because I think it’s only professional to complete my research before I leave. So, I did my best for this research BUT in the end, they didn’t even PAY ME MY SALARY. WHAT THE FUCK!!!

If I knew this would happen, I would have left half way and started working somewhere else. I only put up with them because my prof told me to continue and partly because of professionalism. IN THE END, I GOT NOTHING. DAMN IT!!!

The COO said: Sam macam tak de perkembangan la, gaji dia susah sikit. What the fuck. SHIT! If he care enough to follow my so-called perkembangan, I already did a lot in this research. I put in all my effort. My prof knew that and he was happy with what I did. The COO also said women aren’t flexible and can’t handle important stuff and very difficult to work with. What the fuck. He was talking about his unwillingness to pay me and then discriminate all the women in the world. Fuck up your own life. Your mother is a human with a penis is it???? You came out from a vagina too, ok. He also indirectly insult my prof. I hope he will pay for his arrogance and disrespectful for other gender.

He was late for 3 days during the first month pay. I only got my first pay because I wrote letter to appeal for advance salary, and what the fuck?! I need to write to get advance salary while I was supposed to those damn salary on time. After I got my first pay, the COO assured me that I will get the second month pay on 15th. And now, it’s already 21st. What the fuck! I demanded for my salary twice but I was ignored and still not getting my salary. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

Ok, now I really am not getting my salary. Anyone can help me or give me some advice? Do I need a lawyer or what? Shit, I really don’t know what I can do. I AM FUMING!!! AND OH YEAH, FUCK UP YOUR OWN LIFE DUDE :D

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Frustration

July 11, 2009 at 1:46 am (Uncategorized)
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Life is not easy. There’s so much decision to be made in this life. Seriously, I think I explore another 2% of my stewpid brain coz I think so much recently. I think even more than the number of times I used my brain to think in the past 23 years. Or did I kill more brain cells by thinking unnecessarily so much?

If this is the so-called transition phase that everyone has to endure, I would say this is a super tough one for me. Maybe because I’m a hesitant, I tend to suffer from my brain-consuming process.

Sometimes, when I thought I have made the decision, I won’t think about ‘what if’ anymore. I thought nothing can make me doubt whether I’ve chose the best out of all the cards I possess in hands. I’m not strong and brave to stand firm on my decision. Every little single thing that come into my way, I tend to think that God is showing me that I should reconsider. Hmm…I don’t know.

Why do I always wanna put myself to suffer? Put myself in dilemma? I’m not a ‘kin bou hang bou’ person. I like to plan, plan what will happen next, plan how my future would lead me. But too much planning can be bad sometimes, or even worse, damaging.

Just a moment ago, I suddenly remembered what I intended to do for my life. I actually planned the life I wanna live some time ago, maybe a few years back. Like I always say, the 4-years in uni have demotivated me. I lost myself, and found a new miserable-self. I thought life isn’t going anywhere and I chose to stay in comfort zone aka suicidal zone. I forgot how to fight for something I want. Something just triggered me and I asked myself, “SAM! What are you doing?!” Because of this suicidal mindset, I screwed-up 2 very important interviews. DAMN!!!! I hate myself for that. I spoilt my own future.

I feel very discouraged. I hope I can have better chances and make it up myself for my own future.

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Opportunities

July 8, 2009 at 11:01 am (Uncategorized)
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Opportunities may come and go. Once it’s gone, you may never get it ever again. How your future leads you depends on how smart you grab the opportunities you get. Some may be afraid to decide which opportunity to take. Some may be greedy and try to grab as much opportunities as possible.

That’s what’s happening to me now. Too many opportunities. Too many decisions to make. The worst thing of all, I don’t know what I want.

I feel pathetic for hesitating so much. I’m stuck in my own dilemma.

I wanted to decide and never turn back again but I’m scared I’ll regret and lose better opportunities. I wanna follow my heart but…sigh

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Belated Birthday lunch with sis

July 7, 2009 at 3:39 pm (Uncategorized)
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Sometime ago, my sister treated me lunch at Fong Lye, The Gardens, as a celebration for my 23rd birthday. We intended to go sushi zanmai but there was a long queue and we decided to go Fong Lye instead. Anyways, what you do doesn’t matter that much as long as you do it with the person you love :)

We kinda had a feast la…haha

#1 our food!

#1 our food!

I ordered a set, something like pan mee style. My sis ordered her all-time favourite, mee suah and side orders, salted chicked and spring roll. Thumbs-up for the salted chicken :D You guys out there should give it a try, better than salted chicken in Little Taiwanese.

We saw Dylan, a tv host from 8tv in Fong Lye. He’s not that tall, at all. hehe^^

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Kiss-A Kiss-A Kiss-A-Ten

July 4, 2009 at 3:01 am (Uncategorized)
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Last Thursday, May, Daphne, Yuli and me had farewell makan with Yoke Yeng as she’s going to KT for clinical training for as long as 3 yrs *roll eyes-can u believe it*

We went makan at a japanese restaurant in Jaya 1 called Kissaten. You can find varieties of pasta, pizza, burger and japanese foods on their menu. It’s like a japanese-western restaurant, we only call it japanese restaurant coz of the japanese words we saw in the menu. lol

#1 kissaten @ jaya 1

#1 kissaten @ jaya 1

#2 they have a nice wallpaper

#2 they have a nice wallpaper

#3 nice restaurant, the dim light was just right ;)

#3 nice restaurant, the dim light was just right ;)

then we cam-whored a bit :D

#4 may-yuli-yoke yeng-daphne

#4 may-yuli-yoke yeng-daphne

#5 may-yokeyeng-me-daphne

#5 may-yokeyeng-me-daphne

then our foods came

#6 yoke yeng & yuli ordered mushroom tamago spagetti

#6 yoke yeng & yuli ordered mushroom tamago spagetti

#7 daphne ordered seafood spagetti

#7 daphne ordered seafood spagetti

#8 may's order - i forgotten the name...

#8 may's order - i forgotten the name...

#9 my order, tonkatsu set

#9 my order, tonkatsu set

#10 we ordered this pizza....mushroom tamago pizza with seaweed. rate 5/5!!!

#10 we ordered this pizza....mushroom tamago pizza with seaweed. rate 5/5!!!

Remember that I mentioned the wallpaper was nice? After makan, we cam-whored kao kao with the wallpaper.

#11 the ultimate butt pose

#11 the ultimate butt pose

#12

#12

#13 yoke yeng with fungus

#13 yoke yeng with fungus

#14 may with bitter gourd

#14 may with bitter gourd

#15 daphne with an unidentified vege

#15 daphne with an unidentified vege

#16 yu li and ....

#16 yu li and ....

#17 me kisssing capsicum

#17 me kisssing capsicum

#18 we kissed kissaten before we left...i'll be back for the nice foods

#18 we kissed kissaten before we left...i'll be back for the nice foods

After that we went to Simply Fusion for dessert. And they brought me for a virgin tour to Cold Storage.

#19 wah wah wah, all sorts of cheese

#19 wah wah wah, all sorts of cheese

#20 I said after u eat this, u'll become 50 yrs old and they decided that I have enough for the virgin tour :(

#20 I said after u eat this, u'll become 50 yrs old and they decided that I had enough for the virgin tour :(

#21 decoration outside Jaya 1

#21 decoration outside Jaya 1

After that we balik rumah. Was glad that I joined them for makan :D

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Birthday week

June 24, 2009 at 4:18 pm (Uncategorized)
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So, my 23rd birthday falls on this week. I prefer to recall what happened on my birthday week rather than birth day. Hey, even Digi’s 50% extra reload bonus works 3 days before and after your birthday so that you can get reload bonus within your birthday week :D

Last Monday, a friend of mine came from Johor for an interview in KL. She called me out to meet up and then treated me to see a movie. I decided to watch State of Play coz the movie was acted by all-time famous actors Russell Crowe and Ben Affleck, so I thought it would be nice. It was ok la, many funny scenes. It wasn’t draggy although the movie was about 2 hours, quite long for a non-action packed movie.

#1 I rate it 7/10

#1 I rate it 7/10

After movie Jia Ning and Shiau Loh joined us for pizza at Domino’s. We had a great time eating and gossiping and chatting. Each of us had 2 mugs of mushroom soups and we left the shop with bloated stomachs. LOLs. They treated me pizza and told me it was a birthday dinner treat for me. Aww…it’s so sweet.

Some of my friends had already wished me even before the big day and I would like to thank each and everyone for their sincere wishes. It felt great that at least someone remembered your birthday and they wished coz they cared. Yok Chuin called me all the way from Singapore and we had a small talk. I was kinda touched as the phone bills aren’t cheap for long distance calls. After all, no matter how independent a person is, he/she still needs friends and family…

I was kinda in a good mood today as it was my big day. Unfortunately, work goes on. I spent the whole morning studying US patents and afternoon typing report. Research was going nowhere and I needed to use up every cell in my brain to figure out a way to overcome those shitty problems. I am not gonna complain about it coz I chose to accept the job. Well, in the day I wished that time would pass by faster and sooner as I was anticipating to see a movie in cinema. Transformer 2 was a big hit and everyone was talking how awesome the movie was, so I gave it a shot.

Overall, the movie was good. But me thinks it was a bit overpacked with actions. But thanks to the big screen, I could still manage to see the transformations. When I was in the middle of the movie, I had a thought that the director were rushing to show the audiences what would happen next. I thought he could exaggerate on some scenes. It’s an action movie, it won’t be draggy if you drag on some part, but of course, with nice actions.

#2 I rate it 7.5/10

#2 I rate it 7.5/10

Undeniably, it was still a good movie after all :)

After movie, I bought myself 2 pieces of cakes. Hey, what’s birthday without cake or cakes or a nice dinner. Still I couldn’t have a nice dinner, I bought 2 pieces of cakes instead. First cake was for the cake itself and second cake was to compensate the nice dinner that I missed :D

#3 sure fire of secret recipe cakes :D

#3 sure fire of secret recipe cakes :D

#4 chocolate indulgence for The Chocolate Lover

#4 chocolate indulgence for The Chocolate Lover

#5 carrot slice

#5 carrot slice

I felt 2 kg fatter after eating these cakes :( so long for a joyous and happy birthday huh?

And…

#6 guess what? *excited tone*

#6 guess what? *excited tone*

I bought a present for myself

#6 it was a wallet :D

#7 it was a wallet :D

This is to take over the role of my old, worn out wallet. 5 minutes in the shop and I bought this wallet. I guess I was a little desperate for a new wallet eh. LOLs…

I still have 2 stuffs I would like to get for myself, a pair of court shoes and a nice handbag. I went to Nose last Monday but couldn’t seem to get myself a pair of nice court shoes. I had 2 potential choices but both had their pros and cons, so I decided to buy none of them. The male promoter kept looking at my feet as I was posing in front of Jia Ning and Fong Lin to ask for their opinions. I was kinda embarrassed. Well, I hope I can get a pair soon :D

Jia Ning told me there was sales in MNG, so I went to MNG in hope to get a nice handbag but to no avail. It was crowded with crazy young ladies and I couldn’t get my eyes on any bags as it was scattered all over the racks. Later, too..

Okay, it might seem a bit pathetic to buy present for oneself during one’s birthday. But I don’t think like that. I felt great to be able to buy presents for myself. I could earn and get something for myself, this further assure me that I’m an independent young lady, don’t I? :D

And guess what..

#8 birthday cum graduation gift from my sis

#8 birthday cum graduation gift from my sis

hehe^^ thanks jie, for the watch…

And also

#9 A KEY!!!

#9 A KEY!!!

This is not an ordinary key. It’s not a pendant, like those moms give to their daughters who turn 21 years old. It’s not a key to a car nor a house. It’s a key to the padlock of a house…How great is that???? :D

Actually I am currently staying in my junior’s house, and the padlock has been giving me some hard times. The other guys in the house said my key was spoilt, that’s why I couldn’t unlock the padlock without a few torturing gestures. A guy in the house lent me his key for the moment. So, I hope it would be hassle-free to get into and out of the house then.

Well, that’s about my celebration week…Would blog again if I were to celebrate with some other friends in the future :)

Okay, I’m off to organise stuffs in my new wallet :D

Thanks everyone for everything.

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Aggressiveness

June 18, 2009 at 10:22 am (Uncategorized)
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I

AM

DAMN

PISSED OFF

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