sammy’s G@rd3r0be

I passed my resignation letter to HR department and my immediate boss yesterday. I was glad that I could finally resign this job. Another chapter is going to be closed soon. This job is ok just that it’s not what I want. I feel that I can go further doing other type of job. Initially I told myself that I wanted to give myself at least 5 months to find out whether the job was suitable for me and vice versa. It’s useless, 3^rd month into working, I felt that I was being mistreated. I felt that I was directionless, a similar situation that I faced when I was a university student. I didn’t have a chance to choose back then but not anymore. Thus, I was determined to find a new job, a better and more challenging job, to be exact. I didn’t get much support from my family and friends in the beginning when I announced that I wanted a new job. Eventually, decision had to be made and it was mine. I had faith in myself and I still do. I think faith has brought me somewhere

 I was thrown out of my comfort zone for the past few weeks, by myself. I knew if I wanted a different life, I needed to take initiative to make a change. It was a lot of struggle but it wasn’t for nothing. I had no choice but to explore when interviews were conducted in places that I had never been to before. It was worth a try anyway. Some of my friends even told me how tough it was to be an engineer, as if trying to change my mind. They made me think twice but I still chose to stick back to engineer line in the end. I thanked them for their frankness.

 I found out how terrifying it could be to stay out of my comfort zone. That is also why people are reluctant to try new stuff. They have the mindset that they won’t be able to do well and should remain in their status quo. Someone told me – the biggest failure is the failure of not trying. Almost 95% of the people around me are those who have tendency to stay in their comfort zone. Of course, everyone has the freedom to decide for their life. I just feel that one shouldn’t lose himself because he is too scared to try or change his life. Anyhow, I managed to jump out of my comfort zone and overcome the challenges I met. Another revolution *peace*

 I chat with one of my coursemates yesterday. I was sad to find that he’s still the way he was back in university. Stay the same in a bad way; negative, can’t take criticism, think high achievers in studies/works are mere moron, conservative, sarcastic. My good intention to make him realize that the world is cruel and we should try our best to do what we can. In the end, I was criticized as a dreamer, not understanding and a nerdy that will eventually become a failure in the future. Sigh…some people remain the same in a stupid way. Is it wrong to hope for something good to happen? Is it wrong to try my best in what I do? Is it wrong to want to have a better life? Is it wrong to have faith in myself? Is it wrong to want to strive higher? NO, IT ISN’T. I don’t need people to agree with me, I don’t need people to approve what I do, I don’t need people to tell me what to do, I don’t need people to judge me. Shouldn’t everyone become  a supporter rather than a demotivator to his friend?

 I got offer to become project engineer in MOX and will commence in Dec, I don’t know whether it will be a good job for me. I have taken this road, there is no turning back. All in all, I do not regret doing my current job, it’s just another path I took in my life and it’s as bored as a straight, endless highway and I don’t like it.

I do not know where this path will lead me, but I know I need to have faith in myself. Keep trying and give my best in whatever I do. I believe I will do fine

The sky was gloomy, heralding inauspicious news.

Everything seemed to be fine before I accepted the bad news. It was a peaceful day. It wasn’t a hectic morning. The pace was slow in office today. I took the liberty to go to the library this morning, read newspapers, surfed the internet on leisure. The business news couldn’t attract my attention today. My mind was thinking something else. Tears suddenly filled my eyes and blurred my vision. I quickly held it back. I told myself nothing would happen. I literally touched the wood to assure myself everything’s going to be fine. I tried my hardest to concentrate on the newspapers but still, I was very distracted by the fear that consumed my heart every single moment. I was feeling uneasy the whole time before accepting the bad news.

 Before lunch time, my sister called me. She delivered the bad news to me. I was dumbfounded for a moment. She told me that my uncle had passed away. Pain shrieked through my heart. I wanted to give my mom a called but my sister told me to give her some time. My sister was right…

 I think I needed more time compare to my mom. I needed tremendous strength to accept the news that someone in the family had passed away. I came to realize that my mom will eventually leave me someday. By just thinking how unbearable it’s going to be….I…I can’t even imagine what will happen to me. The painful memory from my dad’s funeral is creeping all over me. It’s really painful.

 Finally…it is beginning to rain now. I have no reason to hold my tears anymore.

Life is short, in a sense, that’s why, while we are still living, we must cherish what we have.

 I always believe no pain, no gain. Since I have started working, I have learnt not to take things for granted. I learnt not to regret with the decisions I have made. Once I decided to go my own way, I do my best so that I am good at what I do. I am not a motivator or influencer; I am just trying to be better than what people expect me to do, to be ideal in exact. I know what I want to be, and I am being true to myself.

 Sometimes in life, we ask ourselves and other people tonnes of questions. We can only find true solutions when we are true to ourselves. Nobody knows us better other than ourselves. I do agree that there are a lot of struggles in life. Struggles that come from anxieties, uncertainties, and problems that is out of our control, and etc. Sometimes, I feel tired from all these struggles and hurdles. I used to think that everyone is trying to put me in difficult situations, making my life hard. But it’s not true at all. We are frustrated and stressful when facing problems because we are not good enough. I am not saying that we need to be perfect or be 100% at what we do. If human were perfect, why is there God in this world? Always learn from mistakes, embarrassing moments and even when people betray you. Learn to be a wise man, not a whiner. I always give myself a 2^nd chance, so that I can improve and not be the same person as I used to be.

 Be the kindest person towards yourself. It doesn’t matter if no one appreciates you, as long as you appreciate yourself, you don’t have to give a shit what people do to you or your efforts. I think it’s really stupid to be sad when people let you down. They don’t feel a thing, why put yourself to suffer while you are just a nobody to someone. If that person really cherishes you, he/she won’t do something to hurt you. I am still learning not to be stupid in this sense, after all, without emotions, we ain’t human. Sometimes, I express my likes and hates readily because I am being true to myself. I don’t want to regret for not expressing what I feel and what I am. The disappointment might be huge sometimes because we bear the consequences of what we do but bigger disappointment makes us move on faster. We can’t stay in our status quo for too long, life can’t be stagnant. Lake water is always dirty because it is stagnant. Being stagnant means we are accumulating all the bad and unhappy memories. Don’t be cruel to yourself, make yourself a happy person.

Be true to yourself, after all, life is wonderful and a beautiful mess